What a phony!!

Okay so issues about being back on the mainland aside I was however looking forward to belly dance classes! I'd missed one week of class so was keen to get back into it even though I'd not really had any chance to practice the choreography we've been learning, nor have I really put any thought into the dance and music for my solo development class over the week away.
I jumped in the car keen and eager to head off to class, turned the key... click... turned it again... click... crap - flat battery!! I'd taken my car in for a warrant recheck in the morning after replacing the brake light bulb, what I hadn't realize that at the testing station they turned my lights on and so when I got back home I didn't know to turn them off!! Gaaaah!!
I called the AA for a jump start, left a message with my teacher to let her know I'd be late then waited for an hour for the AA to turn up and get me going again.... gggrrrrr!
So, I missed all but the last 5 minutes of the first class. I got there in time to join in one last run through the choreography and actually surprised myself by keeping up with most of it except the formation flying parts.
Solo development class was another story though. This week we were all to dance in front of the class to the second minute of our chosen piece of music... again we were to be videoed to watch later along side feedback from the teacher. As we'd done the chair dance a couple of weeks ago the thought of dancing in front of the others wasn't too daunting.... that was... until... I watched the people before me get up and do their thing. It seemed to me that they've put a lot more thought and practice into their pieces than I had. I started to get a bit worried.
My turn came around eventually and I got up to give it my best shot, it could have been worse, at least I managed to keep moving and not freeze up but still I felt as though I could have done a lot better if I'd put in more effort (any effort) since the chair dance. The entire time I did my best to interpret the music but the style is still quite foreign to me and I felt quite disappointed with myself.
At the end of class my teacher tried to transfer the video and feedback from the chair dancing to a flash drive for me to bring home and analyze but there was some sort of compatibility issue so instead I stayed on to watch it and read the feedback before heading home. There was a lot more positive feedback than I'd expected and all the points to improve on were very fair and most definitely warranted. I got home with a determination to make more of an effort to improve.
I set the alarm for earlier so that the next morning I got up to put in some practice before work. This was when I started to feel quite dejected, nothing was happening naturally, nothing was spontaneously jiggling, shimmying or popping and I felt as though I was constantly thinking about what to dance. What was I thinking when I chose this style of dance!
There was no way I was going to be able to come up with anything like the videos I'd seen of the gorgeous dancers making it look oh so natural! All my moves were on the "up" rather than being earthy and grounded... Why did I ever consider I could do this? Who did I think I was? I'm no dancer! Had I bitten off more than I could chew?
Thankfully my teacher had loaned me another DVD to watch. This one was more of an instructional DVD rather than pure performance. I've started watching it and practicing some of the combinations and now have clawed back a little hope that I can do this. Whatever comes out of this class I have to remember a few things... This is the first time I've gone through this process! My physique is a whole lot different from those fantastic dancers I've watched performing so no matter what I do, at this point in time I'll look nothing like them. And... I'm still learning for goodness sake! I need to lighten up on myself... this is meant to be fun for God's sake!!
So I’ve been listening to the track over and over and realize that I will have to make the choreography far less ornamental than anything on the DVDs I’ve seen… at the end of the day it will be mine and I will have learnt a lot by going through the process.