Downhill slide...

... has it been that long since I posted last? Where is the time going?

Not long now... 14 working days... yes I'm counting!! Until we wind up work for Christmas... and then I'm on maternity leave!

I'm in my 34th week now and have been told that (due to being a "geriatric" mum) I'll be induced if baby hasn't arrived by about 8-9 January... hopefully it won't come to that, but I guess we'll just have to wait and see... but to think that in just 5 weeks time the bundle will be in my arms and no longer in my belly.... crikey!!
I'm getting a lot of action these days... it's surreal to think that all that wriggling in my belly is a whole new person! I'm getting very excited at the prospect of meeting this little one face to face.

My energy levels have swings and roundabouts but as the weather heats up I'm finding I tire a whole lot quicker. Whilst I might start a task with a hiss and a roar and loads of energy I seem to need a little lie down a lot more often than anticipated. Consequently there are a number of unfinished taks on the go at the moment but mostly trying to get a semblence of order for all the clothes and baby gear I'm accumulating - especially since my baby shower!

In spite of this I'm having a wonderful time being pregnant, even now that belly is starting to weigh me down and get in the way a lot! I feel as though I have a constant smile on my dial as I go about my day silently communing with this new life inside me... my own delicious secret... except the size of the bump means it is by no means a secret these days!

Sniffle, snort, hack, cough... Cluck!!??

So, sitting around waiting for the plane didn't do me any favours and by the time I woke up the following morning feeling pretty crappy!
I considered staying home but I knew I had an appointment with the midwife so I decided I may as well go into work... maybe once I got into work I wouldn't feel so bad... I was wrong.
I worked from home for the rest of the week to try and keep on top of the workload without passing the bugs around the office. It wasn't one of my best ideas.... I ended up doing a lot of extra hours simply because it was right here... I worked through 15 hours one day but by the Friday afternoon I was ready to have a meltdown... despite being at hom, the fact I was working, and the long hours, meant I wasn't resting. I wasn't feeling any better... in fact quite the opposite.... I was feeling resentful towards work, angry at myself, missing my Tommy and generally miserable. I got quite tearful... not good, because that just made my nose run worse, I was working myself into a state and was feeling guilty, bad mother getting so sick... what effect was all this having on bubs?
I had an early night and vowed not to touch work all weekend. It was a very quiet weekend... I picked up some DVDs and assigned myself to the couch to rest... and rest... and rest. I started feeling more human slowly. I was a bit worried about the side splitting coughing... poor baby must be wondering what the heck was going on! But then again given the reaction in my tummy after a coughing fit I began to think baby thought it was on some sort of rollercoaster and was having a great time.
I woke up Monday morning feeling better but still nowhere near 100% so I called into worked... or rather emailed... to update them on where all my projects were at and to tell them I was taking a sick day... another day on the couch... bliss!
Tuesday saw me back in the office again... hacking and coughing a bit but other than than, vastly improved. And then... I was asked if I'd been to the doctor while I was sick. I hadn't because I figured there was not a lot they could do unless I ended up with an infection... I just needed to let it run it's course. And then, I was asked what my symptoms had been... head cold, snotty nose, feeling shite, cold moving to chest, coughing.... huh? It was at this point I was told there had been a confirmed case of bird flu atwork... yes... bird flu... and that person had the same symptoms as I had!! Yipes!!
I did a bit of googling and rang my midwife to see if I should be concerned at all.... not really. Mind you I figured that it was too late for me to do anything about it anyway by this stage... if I'd also had bird flu then it had been and gone and I was too late to do anything else about it.
It may well explain my need to re-organise the entire house... again... or maybe it's just a high level of nesting instinct kicking in. Either way I'm not sure Tommy will recognise the place when he arrives back from the island!!

Fattie goes fishing

Ha!! I look like a bean bag with a hat on!! This was taken on Labour Weekend when I went out to the Barrier to see my Tommy. I dare say it's the last time I attempt kayak fishing until after baby arrives now! Still it was a lovely afternoon to be out on the water and the fact that none of my catch were keepers (by our measure) didn't matter at all... especially when Tom had a couple of snapper on board by the time we finished up so there was plenty for dinner... mmmm!

Tom had already been away for a couple of weeks at this point and I was missing him a lot. Work had been really hectic so it was an instant salve to arrive on the island! It really is a magical place!

Saturday morning we went down to the local market day for a look around and catch up with anyone we knew. Then back to the bach for a nap before heading off for the aforementioned fishing trip.

I slept like the dead that night ... a welcome change from the wakeful nights I'd been having! And Tommy got his first few kicks from wee fatty dancing about in my belly while I was asleep!

Sunday is golf day... given how much Tom enjoys his golf and the fact he only plays on the Barrier these days I could hardly tell him he couldn't go... I walked around the first nine holes with them. The course has some stunning outlooks so it wasn't really a hardship and the boys were a laugh ... despite my ignorance of the finer points ... or really of anything to do with... the game. I left them to it for their second nine holes and hung out at the club house. I had a book with me but hardly needed it as people are always so friendly and inclusive. I thoroughly enjoyed meeting a few new people until Tom got back.

Monday saw me wake up with the blues. I felt really quite unenthused about the idea of heading home again and ended up getting a bit teary about ... sheesh! Harden up girl!

Tom dropped me at the airport just after 2pm and had to race off to meet someone arriving on the ferry in Tryphena. A short while before we were due to head off we were told that take off would be delayed as the weather at the other end was abysmal and there wasn't enough visibility to land the wee planes. I caught myself hoping it would stay that way and give me one more night before having to go home. It started looking more and more likely ... but then just after 5pm there was a gap in the weather so we all piled into the plane and were whisked away. We flew really low all the way back to dodge the cloud which was ... er... different.

We got back to the mainland before the weather turned again which was both a relief and a disappointment. What a sook!!

Mind you as it transpired over the next day or so I was coming down with a cold/flu bug so perhaps I should lighten up on myself a bit!

Huge Day Out!!

No I'm not refering to my rapidly expanding waistline... but rather the street fair that is part of the Kowhai Festival events in Warkworth. Through our dance teacher, we were invited along to perform as part of the street fair and take part in the Sole Parade.
There were four of us that went along, car-pooling for the trip. We left Auckland about 11:30 giving us plenty of time to get to Warkworth, finish dressing and get to the stage we were to perform on.
We had decided to perform a piece we all knew to some extent but is not entirely choreographed so it left room for modifications depending on what we found when we got to the venue... I'm glad that we had made this decision! We had a bit of confusion over where we were meant to be but that got sorted by one of the fluoro yellow jacket brigade ... phew! By the time we negotiated all the street stalls - and let me tell you this took some self control avoiding browsing on the way - it had started to drizzle... And the "stage"... well to be honest, it didn't look safe enough for more than three people to sit on let alone dance on... crikey! Fairly quickly the decision was made to dance on the pavement instead... it was about now that the drizzle ramped it up a notch and turned into rain. Looking at some of the other dancers shivering in their gorgeous (but sheer) costumes I was pleased about the costuming choice that had been made for our performance... but still it was pretty chilly!
When it was our turn the cold wet pavement was a bit of a shock and it was very strange to be perfoming in an unknown space ... we had as much room as the crowd would allow us, but the closer you got the further back they would move... still it was very exciting! Cold feet were forgotten completely by the time we'd finished as I tried to calm down my heartbeat and shaky hands... boy that adreneline is powerful stuff!!
After that a couple of us headed off to find the meeting point for the parade while the other two returned the swords and other gear to the car and picked up my teacher's drum. It was blimmin freezing waiting around for the parade but a short time before it started the wind dropped, clouds cleared and the sun came out... next thing we knew we were waved off down the street... here we go!
I have to admit I played up a bit! Ha! Well, I figured I wouldn't want to go to a parade to just watch people in different gear walking down the road so by the time we turned into the main street I was ready to give the crowd something other than a fancy dressed pregnant lady to look at.... So I danced! As best I could and still keep pace... I was having a great time! Stopping here and there to shoulder shimmy or do a few hip drops for the crowd.... heck... it's not like I'm going to see anyone I knew!!
And then...
... suddenly an enormous camera lens jumped out in front of me, clicking away... holy moly! Next thing a big smile popped out from behind the lens, it was Karen from work!! When I'd mentioned the festival to her during the week she got quite excited and told me she was planning to make the trip up there as there would be loads of opportunity for her to practise her photography. I hadn't seen her when we performed so I just figured that she had been put off by the weather... not so! Mind you she'd tried to find us performing but had been told that the dancers had cancelled... what a shame. She took some fantastic photos including an awesome preggy-belly shot that I adore! Here's a sample...

Good enough to eat!!

I flew to Napier on the weekend to visit my sister and my brother's family.... especially the newest member of the family .... wee Isobelle who is just a wonderful bundle of cheeky, gummy smiles.... oh my, how could you possibly resist this...

YUM!!!

And as for her older sister, Georgia... well, she is growing up so fast! And she's as bright as a button!

"Come see my room Aunty Neen.... see... here's my bed... and my books... and my toy box... and ... lets do a puzzle!... Aunty Neen... come on"

A real little chatterbox giving a running commentary on what's happening... or should be happening!

The girls are little treasures ... but it was also great to see my bro and his wife... it's been a while since I saw them (in person and not via Facebook)! I stayed at my sister's place and we had some "hangin" time just spending time together.

It's likely to be a while before I get down that way again so I hope I managed to get my fill of he girls... but everytime I look at these photos I know I want more!! LOL

Modern animals...

... for thousands of years babies have been born into this world through a very natural process... when did we turn that into a procedure? Why have we become so afraid of this process that we medicate ourselves to the point where we are no longer part of that process? We let others take control of something we should be entirely responsible for?
Now, perhaps one day I'll read back over this and laugh at my naivety.... I'm picking that some of you reading this will roll your eyes.... what would I know about any of this? And you're right... I know nothing about what giving birth will be like and it is unlikely that anyone will be able to adequately explain it to me.... in terms of what it will be like for me.
I've seen plenty of animal births ... lambs, calves, pigs.... in general the mothers involved made themselves as comfortable and safe as they could then settled in and got on with the job.
Quite early in the piece Tom suggested I have the baby on Great Barrier... an isolated island with no hospital and should intervention be required it would be a helicopter ride before it was available... I told him (in no uncertain terms) that it was most certainly not on the agenda... and then had nightmares , the kind where I woke myself up screaming and bawling ... woke Tom up too... and possibly the neighbours.... it has not come up in conversation again!
But I guess I have to admit I was really quite terrified at the prospect of labour. After all you hear all the horror stories of the pain and the agony... and high on the list of discussions is what pain relief you'll choose... "Go for the epidural - you won't feel a thing"
Won't feel a thing? What? I chose to have a baby... it took quite a while to get to this stage, a successful pregnancy... why on earth would I want to opt out on participating in the birth? How bad can it be.... really? I mean if it were really so bad then surely evolution (or common sense) would have dealt with this a long, long time ago by preventing women from having more than one child ever. There are plenty of people out there that have done it many, many times ... and many of those were well before the more modern "civilised" times and methods.
I have nothing against hospital birthing rooms ... I'll be having a hospital birth so that if I do need help it is available ... I guess what I'm trying to say is why has the emphasis become more focused on the agony and it's relief... why can't we accept that in our society and embrace the pain? Why are we so afraid of hurting?
What am I trying to say here? I'm not entirely sure... maybe I'm trying to understand why the birthing process isn't supported and honoured in our society as much as it is in other cultures. The focus seems to be only about the final outcome... the child... rather than the whole cycle.

I don't know that I'm expressing myself very well. Please understand I'm not knocking how anyone chooses to deal with giving birth... I'm just trying to sort out how I feel about it ... for me.

I can say though that I've been feeling much more reassured and confident about my ability to do this...
The yoga classes help a lot with the breathing techniques to re-focus attention and "active" relaxation, understanding where tension is held and seeking to actively release it.
Then on Saturday Tom and I went to a course together - Massage for Labour. To be honest I probably got more out of it than Tom did despite it being aimed more at the guys. I guess the discussions around the labour process and how if you're feeling comfortable and safe then your body deals with labour quite naturally... not without pain ... but, all going well, without intervention... and talking about the benefits of avoiding intervention, why it's important for both baby and Mum.
It seems a bit weird going to a course to learn how to do something that for since the beginning of time has been one of the most natural things in the world.
Still... It's helping me understand how I want the birth to go and how, for that to happen, I need to get my head around it...

Grump frump...

... so I've progressed from feeling "a bit off" to feeling like a complete bitch... grumpy, whiny bleeergh! I don't like feeling like this and I'm soooo over hearing myself whine and complain... it's only serving to make me even grumpier and pissed off with myself... a vicious cycle! I feel like picking fights and being arguementative just for the hell of it... very unproductive behaviour and very negative attitude.... I know this and yet I'm still bitchy!
And then by the time I leave work I'm ready to melt down into a puddle of tears... I don't like feeling this way one bit, it sucks!
Where oh where did my happy hormones go? Waaaaaaah!!! Up until this week I've been feeling really good, nothing phased me, I wasn't feeling at all stressed... everything was groooooovy baaaabbbyy!!
Sigh!
I can only hope that Bubs is going through a bit of a growth spurt and maybe I'm just extra tired. Surely this will pass... I'll make more of an effort to get enough sleep and hope that this suckful attitude is over soon.... before everyone else gets as pissed with me as I am!