Sniffle, snort, hack, cough... Cluck!!??

So, sitting around waiting for the plane didn't do me any favours and by the time I woke up the following morning feeling pretty crappy!
I considered staying home but I knew I had an appointment with the midwife so I decided I may as well go into work... maybe once I got into work I wouldn't feel so bad... I was wrong.
I worked from home for the rest of the week to try and keep on top of the workload without passing the bugs around the office. It wasn't one of my best ideas.... I ended up doing a lot of extra hours simply because it was right here... I worked through 15 hours one day but by the Friday afternoon I was ready to have a meltdown... despite being at hom, the fact I was working, and the long hours, meant I wasn't resting. I wasn't feeling any better... in fact quite the opposite.... I was feeling resentful towards work, angry at myself, missing my Tommy and generally miserable. I got quite tearful... not good, because that just made my nose run worse, I was working myself into a state and was feeling guilty, bad mother getting so sick... what effect was all this having on bubs?
I had an early night and vowed not to touch work all weekend. It was a very quiet weekend... I picked up some DVDs and assigned myself to the couch to rest... and rest... and rest. I started feeling more human slowly. I was a bit worried about the side splitting coughing... poor baby must be wondering what the heck was going on! But then again given the reaction in my tummy after a coughing fit I began to think baby thought it was on some sort of rollercoaster and was having a great time.
I woke up Monday morning feeling better but still nowhere near 100% so I called into worked... or rather emailed... to update them on where all my projects were at and to tell them I was taking a sick day... another day on the couch... bliss!
Tuesday saw me back in the office again... hacking and coughing a bit but other than than, vastly improved. And then... I was asked if I'd been to the doctor while I was sick. I hadn't because I figured there was not a lot they could do unless I ended up with an infection... I just needed to let it run it's course. And then, I was asked what my symptoms had been... head cold, snotty nose, feeling shite, cold moving to chest, coughing.... huh? It was at this point I was told there had been a confirmed case of bird flu atwork... yes... bird flu... and that person had the same symptoms as I had!! Yipes!!
I did a bit of googling and rang my midwife to see if I should be concerned at all.... not really. Mind you I figured that it was too late for me to do anything about it anyway by this stage... if I'd also had bird flu then it had been and gone and I was too late to do anything else about it.
It may well explain my need to re-organise the entire house... again... or maybe it's just a high level of nesting instinct kicking in. Either way I'm not sure Tommy will recognise the place when he arrives back from the island!!

Grump frump...

... so I've progressed from feeling "a bit off" to feeling like a complete bitch... grumpy, whiny bleeergh! I don't like feeling like this and I'm soooo over hearing myself whine and complain... it's only serving to make me even grumpier and pissed off with myself... a vicious cycle! I feel like picking fights and being arguementative just for the hell of it... very unproductive behaviour and very negative attitude.... I know this and yet I'm still bitchy!
And then by the time I leave work I'm ready to melt down into a puddle of tears... I don't like feeling this way one bit, it sucks!
Where oh where did my happy hormones go? Waaaaaaah!!! Up until this week I've been feeling really good, nothing phased me, I wasn't feeling at all stressed... everything was groooooovy baaaabbbyy!!
Sigh!
I can only hope that Bubs is going through a bit of a growth spurt and maybe I'm just extra tired. Surely this will pass... I'll make more of an effort to get enough sleep and hope that this suckful attitude is over soon.... before everyone else gets as pissed with me as I am!

A bit off...

Mostly I think I'm tired so things are affecting me a bit more than normal... not to mention the hormones!! A few things have happened in the last couple of days that has dampened my spirits somewhat.

The most recent of which... I found out today that the reason one of my work-mates is working from home at the moment is because his wife has had a miscarriage. It has brought so much raw feeling to the surface. I have been in contact with him through email to offer what comfort and help I can. I suppose it is different for everyone but I know it was a huge comfort to me to know I was not alone ... and so I can't not say something to them... I feel it's my duty to pass on the sympathy and empathy I was afforded. Just writing this has the tears streaming down my face again ... My heart breaks for them!

On the whole though I have had a wonderful few days. I visited my midwife yesterday and am pleased to say every thing is as it should be... blood pressure is good, measurements are on track and the wee heartbeat (that is doing somersaults all day) in my belly is strong. Fabulous news! And all in all I feel fantastic... I don't count being a bit more tired as a problem as it is something to be expected!

Last night at work we had a baby shower to farewell another workmate who is off on maternity leave now. She is having a girl so there was an abundance of pinkness about... and plenty of cooing over the gifts of wee shoes and clothes... I can see this wee girl will be as fashionable and funky as her gorgeous mother!

And... I think I'm suffering my first full blown craving... I reeeeeaaaally, reeeeeaaaally want some chinese takeout noodle soup! It's been forever since I've had any... since my 'usual' place closed down. I believe the takeaway down the road has it on the menu... so... after a couple of days of this, I think I'll treat myself to some on my way home from belly dance class... hopefully I can knock it on the head!

And so, I'd better head off to class now... the endorphins will do me good!!

Oooohhmmmmm ... and other mutterings

I'm not sure if I mentioned that I was going to preggie yoga ... I think I may have... but the class yesterday held a special surprise. Apparently the last class of the month is always spent on restorative yoga to promote relaxation and boosting the body's defence systems. This meant lots of long poses and meditations... or in layman's speak, lots of lovely lying about! My description really does not do it justice, it was WONDERFUL! Ohhhh bliss! I came out floating ... mmmmm!

On other matters... I'm a bit tired of hearing negatives about pregnancy and having children... "Life's over now" I get told.... paaah!! And if I say I'm a bit tired, I'm simply stating a fact... not bemoaning my existence... there is no need to to gloat that "there's plenty more of that to come".... piss off!! Don't you think I know that? Good lord... if it's so bad why did you keep having more after the first one!! I'm very aware that there will be a lot of hard work involved in bringing up a child but I also believe the rewards will far outweigh the trials. I might be busting for a pee, bloated, constipated, tired, achey, etc at times but I'm not complaining for goodness sake! There are also time when I feel fantastic, full of energy and glowing.... why look at me sceptically as if to say "enjoy it while it lasts".... if you don't want to hear it, don't ask!! If you've nothing constructive to offer keep you lips zipped!! Sheeesh!! That.is.all. .... Ooohhhmmmm....

The other morning I was dozing, having hit the snooze button and waiting for the alarm to go off again. Lovely... all snuggled in with Tom... and then he said...
"Did you fart?"
"What? Nooo!"
"Well did you tummy rumble?"
"Noooo? Why?"
"Something's moving in there!!"

Hahaaa!! I got news for you Tommy!

Halfway... ish

Goodness me what on earth is going on with time at the moment... It seems an age since we first found out I was pregnant and yet time seems to be racing rapidly towards d-day. I feel as though I've worked for 7 days straight since yesterday and yet Friday weekend seems forever away!
We had a scan today to check baby is developing well... and so it is... apparently in the 92nd percentile (ie top 10%) size-wise so far... yikes! It was a relief for me to see bubs curled up in there and knowing it's all good... I have to admit there was a certain amount of trepidation before the appointment... was everything going well, was baby developing as it should .... is was very pleasing to hear it was all okay. I will have to go back for another scan at 30 weeks to check the position of the placenta as at the moment it's a bit low. At least I've read enough to know this isn't a problem at this stage.
Aside from that I really need to try and get here a bit more regularly ... if I do that it could well end up being a load of mundane stuff but I feel I need to form a bit more of a habit... I'm sure I've said this before so we shall just have to wait and see what eventuates!

Obsessed...

... at the moment it seems I cannot stop thinking about bellydance.... in particular the next costume (or two, or three) that I'll make. I've been waking up at ungodly hours planning what colour, how much fringing, beading, embroidery... it's bloody exhausting!! And the frustrating thing is that I have no intention of making any costumes for quite some time. I have my patchwork quilt that I'm determined to finish before I embark on any new projects... crikey! Where has this come from?
Mind you... it's not the only thing that wakes me up... Prams... or buggies... whatever you want to call them. I've been researching the options and trying to sift through all the information and recommendations to figure out what we should be looking to get... I've had Fantasia style dreams where instead of the brooms there are thousands and thousands of various styles and brands of prams... I have always had pretty vivid dreams but lately my happy hormones are really making for some really psychedelic and weird experiences!!

Today I went to my first yoga class. Wow!! It's a class specifically for pregnancy and was absolutely fantastic. This must become a regular thing for me... I felt soooooo good at the end. In fact I was feeling so mellow that when I got outside to discover the car wouldn't start... I'd left the lights on... the battery was flat... ... ... it wasn't a problem maaaan! Heh! Most of my class mates had left already so I phoned AA and sat in the drivers seat snoozing, soaking up the sun streaming through the windscreen and basking in the lovely tingly afterglow from the class! I can only hope that it will help me deal with labour in such a relaxed way... time will tell!

Bits and pieces... ups and downs...

Well... I've had an interesting day pottering about the place. A few loads of washing had been done and I've really just been dicking about... clearing out paper work... doing dishes... nothing very exciting. ..
I also hooked up my cassette player to the computer and have been trying to sort through a pile of tapes to see what needs to be digitised and preserved. Some of the cassettes are just music recordings but there are a few very precious memories there too... recordings of myself and my brothers and sister singing, telling jokes and reciting nursery rhymes... heh!! That's a bit of a giggle!
There's also songs my grandparents have recorded of the TV... yes... they used to stick the tape recorder next to the telly to record the various songs and performances from TV shows of the day!
There are clips of my grandparents singing... with us and with their nieces and nephews... my Grandfather belting out a version of 'Call of the Bellbird' that reduced me to tears with memories.
And... my absolute favourite... a recording of my grandfather telling me his version of 'The Hobbyards' ... I absolutely loved this story as a kid, most probably the reason my grandfather taped it as I would ask for him to tell it over and over again... in fact there is a conversation about this also captured on the tape as he finishes the story...

Grandfather: There... how was that then?
Me: Can you tell it again?
Grandfather: You want to hear it again?! But you've just heard it twice!
Me: No....... I've only heard it two times!

LOL!! There's still a few more tapes to go through and figure out what is on them but I think I've probably found most of the gems!! It's a good feeling to get these done before the tapes degrade with time.

So now it's nearly time to put some dinner in the oven and settle in with my patchwork to watch the fishing shows!!

Getting my head around this...

... this whole getting pregnant thing is a pretty surreal buzz. I'm not entirely sure reality has hit yet. Sure I've started researching nappies and prams, talking about maternity leave, finding clothes to fit my expanding figure...
...but really it's all been a bit like a game...
...until this week when my stomach has started doing odd feeling flip-flops and I think I'm starting to feel baby moving... lordy! There really is something in there...
... I'm gonna be a mummy!

Bumps in the road...

Here I am... sneaking in... a bit ashamed I have been AWOL for so long...
Interesting times indeed... I'm not sure I want to talk about it all...
About Tom being away on the island for so long (from Christmas through to the end of May)... about missing him madly... about starting to think I was depressed... about feeling so tired and lethargic that I stopped going to belly dance classes... gasp!! I know! I don't want to talk about considering getting some professional advice about how I was feeling...

... what do I want to talk about ... now that I'm here, back in blog-land....

Lets start with the latest bump in the road... there's no doubt this bump is going to get bigger... and bigger... and will most likely get in the road a lot... until some time in early January... when we are expecting a child!!! Lordy!! Yay!!

So there you go... after last year's disappointment we are now very excited! And Libby is already calculating projected babysitting earnings!

Phew... now that that is out in the open, I've got to get ready for bellydance class... but I promise not to leave it so long next time..... honest!!

My new addiction...

Hello my name is Janene and I've been spending too much time playing "Pirates" on facebook... Oooh aaarrrr!
Aside from that I've (finally) been playing around with Adobe Elements, which we got at Christmas. All my videos to date have been pulled through Windows Movie Maker but I wanted to branch out a bit more ... Elements has soooo much more to play about with! You can see my first wee production over on our "family blog". I have even scrathed to surface of the available features yet but will work on it as I get time.
Aside from that we've been busy back and forth to the Island. Just had a lovely weekend over there with friends - their first visit to GBI.
Much busy-ness at work and the new term of bellydance classes has started... all keeping me out of trouble... mostly... heh!
So this is a short post ... more to come soon... fingers crossed!

Cry me a river...

... I've had a fabulous weekend. Really, I have.
So why is it... that peering out the corner of the window from the back seat of the plane as we were pulling up into the air... and seeing my man, little more than a speck on the ground, waving his arm in the air... has me bawling my eyes out?
Gah!! I'm glad we didn't stop at the bottle store for a couple of ice cold G&T premixes... something w do occasionally on hot days, waiting at the airport... I'm weepy enough without it.... Sheeesh... tears rolling down my face as I type!! Overly emotional no??
I guess that despite being over on the island for the weekend, I miss him madly. Tom's kayaking mates were there so whilst there was lots of fun to be had, we didn't really get any "us" time.
I've already booked myself flights over for next weekend... to hell with the housework!!

Countdown to C-day

Well... this might be the last post before the big day! I'm feeling pretty much under control on the present front and getting organised for the big day.

I spent Saturday baking. Tom was away on Kawau Island working so I had the run of the house and no distractions.

I made chocolate chip log to take for desert on Christmas Day. This is something I haven't had for many, many years.... probably not since I left school. Mum used to get me to make this and I have fond memories of it. I hope it's as good as I remember! It's basically chocolate chip biscuits dipped in port or sherry and sandwiched together with whipped cream and then once the whole packet is assembled, covered with the remaining cream and frozen... very, very rich!

I also made 3 batches of the Pioneer Woman's favourite christmas cookies from childhood and beyond... phew... what a mouthful! I made these for the first time last year, they were so colourful that I think this will become a yearly favourite of mine. I had to make a few adjustments... I substituted butter for the shortening, I found I had to cook them a little longer and I cheated with premade icing in a tube. The tube icing was a real blessing as I don't have much of an affinity with piping bags, they tend to burst at the most inopportune time, I went through 3 last christmas!!

I really enjoyed myself. It's not often I bake so it was nice way to spend the day. All the cookies have found new homes... some for the bar staff at our local, some for our mate Wazza and his family, a tinful for my wonderful neighbour and the rest I took into work today.... it's nice to be able to share them!

Please... help yourself...

Young@Heart

While I pull together a post about my Sydney trip have a think about going to see this movie...

I saw this last night and I can't recommend it enough. What a wonderful movie!
It has a certain poignancy with the recent passing of a couple of mates, who will now never get to the age of the cast but who I know would be in there boots and all! But then again, they're probably doing that already.

The songs these wonderful people sing take on a whole new meaning simply because of the ages of the choir... there's a certain irony when a little wee 92 year old woman sings "Should I Stay Or Should I Go" by The Clash (or "The Crash" as she calls them)... and then as she finishes performing the song on stage the audience roars back.... "STAY!!!"

Tears were streaming done my face the entire time from the sheer emotion of it... there were sad moments, yes, but also many rip-roaring thigh slapping moments as well that had me laughing so hard the tears didn't stop!! There were times when I'd spontaneously start clapping... and others in the audience had their own moments as well... sitting in a theatre with tears rolling down my face at a rate of knots I could hear others sniffling around me, collective Aaaaaaw's when there was bad news and every now and then something would really tickle someone and they'd burst into a short applause themselves....

Don't wait for this to get to TV... go see it in a theatre...

...Take tissues!!

It's been a bit quiet around here...

... because I've been away... guess where... let me give you a clue...

Yes... after months of waiting it was finally time to see the Farha Tour. I had a fantastic time but am too tired to write about it now... it has been a week of great highs and lows.

A very special friend passed away last week before I went away and while I was away another friend also died suddenly. So despite the fantastic trip I feel emotionally wrecked right now...

I'm not up to much more of a post than this at the moment ...

Island hangover...

Waaaah!!
I'm back on the mainland... not quite kicking and screaming but I was a long way from being the most enthusiastic passenger on the 6 seater plane back.
It seems to get harder and harder to tear myself away from that place. I worked remotely today and even curled up in the wee shack that is our island home it seems a treat. It's so quiet that I get loads done. I had to chuckle when I read the weekly "what's happening" email from our directors that included... "Janene is working from home today".... it is more and more like home... more so than our home here on the mainland even.
Being back is tough ... my feet felt like they were in concrete boots as I trudged my way back to where the car was parked at the airport... my head felt full of cotton wool and when I got back to the house it was hard work just getting up the steps and letting myself in... there has been no sense of relief to be back... just a quiet sadness that I am... it's like a hangover without the alcohol.

Chuffed with myself....

So... since my big clear out I've had quite a few opportunities to add to my treasure trove of craftiness... but... I'm pleased to say that I've remained disciplined about it all.

At the end of last term we were starting to learn a gyspy influenced choreography at dance class. This involves wearing a very full skirt and a lot of swishing about with it... almost a spanish influence... so... a new skirt was going to be needed. I gave the devil on my shoulder (telling me to whip up to Ikes and buy some material for it) a twack and found a piece in my stash that would do nicely. I think I had planned to make some harem pants or something like that when I originally bought it but that hadn't happened. The skirt is now made and I can't wait to get back to class to try it out learning the rest of the dance!

I've also pulled out the patchwork quilt I've been working on for ages, on and off. That is my evening past-time for now and is one of the last unfinished projects I have about the place... it's time to get it finished! When I hauled it out I was surprised to find I don't actually have a lot left to go until it is done so I feel quite motivated. I'm looking forward to seeing it finished and on the bed.

And in the meantime I dream about what I will do next....

...I'd like to try and make a big collar type necklace - think Cleopatra - using multicoloured glass beads I have stashed...

... I haven't done a painting in a long time and have some ideas brewing there...

... or the next bellydance bedlah, a silver one maybe...

... or an idea I have involving shells I've collected, some jewellery probably...

... or ...

... actually, I should just shut up and go work on my patchwork!!

Grrrrrr!!!

I’m feeling rather unsettled the last couple of days…. Something is brewing…

Possibly partly because I’m missing our wee poppet, who flew back to Wanganui on Sunday… she is growing up so fast and is becoming a real character….

Maybe partially because of the storm that has been brewing and starting to manifest itself now… atmospheric pressure?

But mainly because I watched the Zeitgeist Addendum on Sunday evening… my blood is boiling.
I’m not even going to try and explain it here… I don’t believe I can do it clearly or eloquently enough, better for you to take a look at it for yourself.

Earlier this year I saw Zeitgeist - The Movie at a screening on Great Barrier. It was enough to make me start questioning the way things work – including whether the makers had their own agenda for control. It also left me feeling somewhat helpless – what could I even do about any of it anyway?

So having seen the Addendum I’m left swinging between raging anger and total despair.

Anger… at the greed of the world… the system that we’ve let rule us to the point where it’s become every man and dog for themselves…. It has escalated to the point where there is a whole generation feeding on instant gratification through credit…ME ME ME!! Where money and things are king… where we are constantly drip fed new technology that is out dated the moment you’ve been suckered into buying it… where people no longer know or care about their neighbours and community…

And the sadness at what we have become. We have let this happen to us without questioning... We have trusted those with the reigns of our society and been misguided... At knowing that even if the proposed solution ever comes about it won’t be in my lifetime… certainly not on a world scale - although I have hope our goal to live to the island will get us (personally) a lot closer....

I find it difficult to even verbalise the things going through my head so I won’t ramble …


But you might not get any sense out of me for a wee while…


And now… to distract myself, and for the joy of being productive, I'm off to finish a new skirt for belly dance – surely that’ll make me feel better!

Getting my house in order

I'm most certainly not the most tidiest person in the world but I generally know where to find everything I need. That said, a "rationalisation" of all my bits and bobs has been well over due. While Tommy has been away I took the opportunity to go through my bundles of craft supplies, beads, material, ribbons, thread etc and weed out the crap.
I got a couple of under-bed storage bins for all my fabrics... and set a new rule... I can keep what fits in the bins... if they are full I can't buy any more material unless I first use something out of the bins... use the old before topping up with new. There were a lot of memories as I sorted through my hoard... material left over from throw cushions I made for my bedroom when I was about twelve... pale lemony prints... yum... left overs from a dress I made to go to the Dalmation Ball when I was about eighteen... wine velvet... mmmm... gosh I hang onto some crap!! I was ruthless with a lot of the stuff and ended up with few bags to get rid of. These I took into work and they were soon claimed by a few crafty people for patchworks and other projects... and the remainder went home with someone that was going to take it to a local kindy... I feel much better passing that stuff on to new homes rather than just tossing it in the rubbish!
After that it was time to go through my collection of beads. I had a bin I use to store most of my collection... all in smaller containers, wee jars, etc. Not exactly the most efficient use of space. I must have done through at least 150 wee snap lock bags as I tipped all my beads into individual bags that I then was able to sort into groups according to color and size... and the whole lot is now living in it's own set of stack drawers... a much better solution!
After that I attacked my tangle of lace and ribbon. These I have also put into individual zip lock bags so that they can no longer contort themselves into one giant knot, making it impossible to find anything! As I slowly detangled it all I found wee scraps ... three inches here and two there... why had I hung onto these? Anything under about 6 inches was turfed... no more softy hoarder here!
All my threads were next... at least this wasn't so bad... I threw out a few reels that had very little left on them and the rest are all stored together.
After all that effort the house doesn't actually look much different but I now have a framework of storage for my crafty bits... and I feel much more motivated to carry on through the rest of the house.... it's about time I sort through my clothes and weed out the crap...

....but not tonight

Like chips and dip...

... once you start it's hard to stop!
I've been spending time re-organising my sewing and craft supplies over the weekend. We had gorgeous weather yesterday and I felt a bit guilty spending most of the day indoors.
So after a jaunt to the markets at Browns Bay I decided to get out the weed spray and blast my neglected garden. I mixed up a batch of round-up and went around the entire section blasting the weeds all around the place. I may well have to repeat the exercise in a couple of weeks to catch anything I missed today but I felt pleased to have finally paid my garden some attention and it was nice to be out in the sunshine!
As I was putting the sprayer back in the garage the fan palm next to the drive caught my attention. It could do to have some of the fronds trimmed back, so I grabbed my pruning saw and went to it. These palms have nasty thorns and despite being really careful I still manage to rip a hole in left hand.... youch! Still it was nice to be outdoors and as I hacked away at the palm I cursed the hedge which was really getting beyond a joke... that could do with a haircut too. Perhaps if I just trimmed back some of the taller shoots at the road end of the hedge it wouldn't be quite so annoying.
Out came the loppers and I went at it... and went... and went... it seemed such a shame to only tidy up one end... I may as well carry on and do the lot. The further I got along the hedge, the harder I pruned it. And by the time I got to the end I had pretty much decided that the hedge would have to go altogether some time over the next few months. Since the neighbours put a fence in we really don't need the hedge any more, getting rid of it will make the front of the house a lot more open. It will also mean that when we eventually make it to the island and rent this place out it is one less thing for tenants (or us) to worry about maintaining... we find it enough of a chore ourselves which is why it gets out of control! I'd have poisoned it then and there if I could have found the Vigilant but I think I took it over to the Barrier so that was the end of that idea... for now... I'll let Tom have at it with a chainsaw I think.
I surveyed my handywork and felt quite chuffed with my effort. It's been a long time since I've had a session in the garden and the 3 hours or so I spent out there had flown by. Judging by the sounds of lawn-mowers and weed-whackers around the neighbourhood I wasn't the only one out taking advantage of the first really nice weekend we've had in a long time!
There's plenty of time to finish the indoor chores another day!!

Feeling very grateful...

... and really quite humbled by the responses to the news of our miscarriage. First off responses in the comments here on the blog... I didn't really think anyone was reading... but to get sympathetic and supportive messgages from complete strangers is really quite special. Thank you.
I've also had messages and phone calls from people I really didn't expect. My cousin's wife called me... I barely know her but she wanted me to know that she understood, having experienced miscarriages herself. Also from the daughter of a friend of Mum's who emailed me... I haven't seen her for many years and yet when she heard about it she wanted to offer up her advice and support... It's extremely touching and very much appreciated.
Other people have heard and shared their own stories with me and then there are many people haven't contacted me directly. I can understand that, but they have passed on messages through Mum, Tom and other family members.
It has been a real eye opener for me in terms of just how common miscarriage is. I guess it's not really something that gets shouted from the rooftops and it's hardly a conversation opener. For people that haven't been through it, it's an uncomfortable subject... what do you say? And yet there seems to be a real sisterhood amongst those who have and they all reach out to help others.
My thanks to all who have reached out to me!